Peace

Hello, friends!  Thanks for checking in with us.  Here are some updates and thoughts:

*So... it's cold.  We have already had around two feet of snow, and temperatures down to -16 (with a -32 wind chill).  For Wisconsin, this is normal.  The streets are cleared quickly and perfectly, and you can go to the grocery store before the snow and there will still be food on the shelves.  I love St. Louis, but I don't miss the pre-storm freakouts :)

Nashotah campus

Checking out his first major snowstorm

Frozen Nashotah Lake

*Jason turned one!  We had a party with our families in Missouri while we were home for Thanksgiving, and a party at Nashotah on his actual birthday with our Wisconsin friends.  Jason had so much fun playing with his friends and opening all his presents, and we congratulated ourselves on making it through our first year of parenthood.

Pretty excited about turning one!

Celebrating with our families in Missouri

Post cake smash

Partying with our friends at Nashotah

Jason isn't walking on his own yet, so he had to stick with crawling after his friends

 

 

*We traveled to Missouri for Thanksgiving and Christmas to spend some time with our families.  Because we are far away, our time with them is that much more important.  We are realizing that quality far outweighs quantity.  It's been hard to be away from family, but they have been so supportive of our journey.  We couldn't do this without their love and support.

But first... Santa came to Wisconsin

*For those of you that were praying with us for the sale of our home... thank you!  We sold it!  We received an offer over the Thanksgiving holiday, and closed right after the new year.  This has been a huge answered prayer and a massive burden lifted.  We finally feel like we can fully immerse ourselves in this experience, without having to worry about our home being on the market. 

*With the help we received from many of you, we reached our fundraising goal for the first semester.  Thank you all so much for your support -- it truly means so much to us!  When we first felt the call to come to Nashotah, it was a little scary to tell our family and friends.  It was such a relief - and a confirmation of our calling - when so many of you responded with excitement and prayerfully committed to partnering with us.  Thank you, thank you!  If you would like to support us this semester, you can click here and make a donation.

Visiting the Milwaukee Art Museum, back when everything wasn't frozen solid

Let's just reminisce about warmer days on the beach for a minute...

In Wisconsin, Santa meets children at the Harley Davidson dealership

TJ and I aren't big New Year's Eve partyers.  We would always procrastinate on making plans until the day before, then end up hosting last-minute parties at our house with friends who also procrastinated on their plans.  The parties were always a blast, and would usually end with a few friends crashing on the couch and making waffles with us the next morning.  This year, we found ourselves with grandparents who were willing to babysit Jason, so TJ and I went out for a quiet dinner to ourselves.  As we were enjoying our first date night in a (very) long time, we began to reflect on everything that had happened in the past year.  And... wow... what a year...

One of my favorite authors is Sarah Bessey.  I highly recommend her two books, Jesus Feminist and Out of Sorts.  As someone who was feeling restless in the church, these books encouraged me so much and put words to feelings I had felt for a very long time.

 


Every new year, Sarah chooses a "word of the year".  The concept of #OneWord365 is to let the word replace your New Year's resolution, and guide your year according to the word.  I loved this idea (because I hate resolutions), so I started this practice last year.  My word for 2016 was Peace.  Jason had just been born, and I wanted to intentionally slow my life down and re-focus on some priorities.  At first, I needed peace to guide me in making decisions about my work-life balance and to deal with some struggles I was having in church.  Of course, as the year progressed, I found myself frantically searching for peace as we uprooted our entire lives, moved to a different state, and began to convert to Anglicanism.  Focusing on this word, especially during my prayer time, got me through a crazy year.  I still dealt with some major anxiety about a lot of things, but I learned to find peace even when life seems out of control.  It helped me to live in the moment, to trust, and to breathe.

 Speaking of anxiety -- this past November, I realized that my anxiety had gotten completely out of control.  I still had a lot of questions and doubts, and I was trying to control a lot of things that were beyond my control.  I was also struggling spiritually.  Time for some honesty, friends -- when we came to Nashotah, I hadn't truly experienced worship in a very long time.  I mean, years.  My prayer life was basically nonexistent.  Since diving headfirst into Anglicanism and our new church in Milwaukee, I experienced such a huge healing for the first several months of our time here.  I could feel the presence of the Holy Spirit again, and I had finally found the peace I was seeking in church.  When the newness of our big move had worn off and my anxiety reappeared, I was so angry.  Why was I still dealing with this?  Looking back, it was probably residual anxiety from a stressful summer.  But now, I felt God growing silent again.  Even though we had taken some major steps to change our future in the church, I still felt very uncertain about the future.  I found myself still unable to place my trust in the Lord.  To top it off, I got mad at myself for even feeling this way.  God had so perfectly paved our path to Nashotah and to Anglicanism -- how could I not believe that He would continue to guide us according to His perfect will?

So, I did two things -- I made an appointment with my spiritual director, and I went to confession.  Obviously, the conversations that were had during these meetings will remain private.  But, I will say this -- God spoke to me in the exact same way during each of these events.  He made it abundantly clear to me that I need to get real with Him.  I've always done a very good job of "laying my burdens at the feet of the cross" and then picking them right back up as soon as those words left my mouth.  I needed to let Him know that I was nervous, full of doubt, and totally pissed off.  Of course, He already knew these things about me, but I needed to actually put words to these things.  For someone who loves and craves authenticity, I wasn't being authentic.  I didn't have peace.

Long story short, I spent some time with the Lord, and I definitely got real.  There was even some yelling. 

Fast forward to New Year's Eve with my hot date, and our conversation about the past year.  As we reminisced about each life event, I was reminded of my word for 2016:

I went into the new year with a new baby, slowly coming into my own as a mom: peace.

After six years of working three jobs and placing my identity in my work, I quit working full-time: peace.

I (finally) moved on from a few toxic relationships: peace.

I (finally!) allowed myself to admit that my theology had grown and changed beyond our current church, and that TJ and I were being called to convert: peace.

We left our safety net of good-paying jobs and home ownership to move to a different state where we knew absolutely no one: peace.

We began the transition into the Anglican church, with all its new and unfamiliar traditions and practices: peace.

We became intentional about slowing our lives down, focusing on the important things, and living authentic lives: peace.

 

God is so good.  Seriously. 

So is #OneWord365, right?!  I highly recommend it.  To answer your question, yes, I do have a word for 2017.  In light of everything that happened last year and how God continuously revealed Himself to me time and time again -- even when I wasn't looking -- my word for 2017 is faithful.