A Spouse's Ordination Reflection

As I'm writing this, there is about 6 inches of fresh snow on the ground and the wind (with a wind chill of -20) is literally howling around the corner of the living room, where I'm buried under a quilt with my laptop and zero chances of going outside.  A perfect day to write!

First of all, if you read my last post (A Spouse's Seminary Reflection) and reached out to either me or TJ with your encouragement and kind words -- thank you.  That was a hard thing to write, and I was overwhelmed by the response.  It motivated me to continue speaking true things out into the world, and knowing that there are people out there who value honesty as well is pretty awesome.  So... thanks!

Since my last post, there have been some major changes to our family...

Nora Ruth Humphrey was born on September 26, 2019 at approximately 5pm after an eventful third trimester of pregnancy.  Only three weeks after moving to Beloit and only 28 weeks into the pregnancy, I awoke one morning bleeding heavily.  Once in the emergency room, I began having contractions, which led to my first ambulance ride to another hospital with a NICU.  Luckily they were able to stop the contractions, and I hung out in the hospital for three days to make sure Nora was staying put.  The doctors determined it was a minor placental abruption.  Thankfully, there were no other complications for the remainder of the pregnancy (other than extreme anxiety), and Nora was delivered safely!

Before Nora came along, we took Jason to Chicago for a long weekend to celebrate him becoming a big brother.  We went to LegoLand and Shedd Aquarium, and Jason also got to explore downtown Chicago.  Needless to say, he had the time of his life.

(Note the big kid in the plaid shirt playing with the Legos)

Jason's first Chicago hot dog, which we had to order without any toppings because it would have been a huge mess so I guess it was just a normal hot dog...?

We spent our fall season shuttling Jason to and from preschool (which he LOVES), cuddling our newborn in our cozy home, establishing TJ's ministry at St. Paul's, making new friends, and taking Batman and Wonder Woman around the neighborhood on a snowy Halloween.

This was after Nora's first bath at home, which she of course hated and wanted to make sure I knew it.

As I mentioned, Jason started preschool this past fall and is absolutely loving every minute of it -- so much that when I ask him what his favorite part of the day was, he says "everything".  We are so grateful to have found the sweet little school he is now attending.  He is making wonderful friends, which has been a blessing after the huge transition of moving to a new town.  Between moving, starting school, and gaining a baby sister, he has really grown in this season of life, and while it has had its challenges, it has been amazing to watch.  He really is an awesome little boy.

We also enrolled him in swim lessons at the YMCA.  If you know Jason, you know he pretty much loves his life, and I think this picture sums it up perfectly!

Both sets of our parents were able to join us in Wisconsin for Thanksgiving.  We took advantage of having them in town by cramming in as many events as we could while they were here, including a birthday celebration for Jason and a baptism for Nora.  It was a full weekend, but we were so happy they were able to celebrate with us!

Opening his presents

SO happy to be turning 4!

Nora was baptized at St. Paul's by her daddy, and it was just perfect.  She wore the baptism dress my Nana made for me, a bonnet made by one of our parishioners, and a bracelet from her godparents.  

Christmas was a particularly fun season this year.  It was very different for our family, since we didn't spend the actual day with our Missouri family.  TJ celebrated mass at St. Paul's on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, so we stayed in Beloit and had the most perfect, quiet family celebration. 

Having kids around at Christmas really is the best...

Checking out the Lego rocket Santa left under the tree.

We were able to enjoy a late Christmas in Missouri with our families, as well as a quick trip to St. Louis.

TJ has been the priest in charge at St. Paul's for a little over six months.  It's becoming more normal to me, but sometimes I still look at him and think "You're, like, a legit collar-wearing PRIEST.  How did that happen?"

I just wrote a sentence that began like this: "Back when TJ was preparing for ordination..." and then I erased it.  Can you really prepare for ordination?  You can complete all the steps, of course, but can you really prepare?  Can your family prepare themselves as well?  Don't you have to know what's coming next in order to prepare for it?

I can't speak for TJ, but as for me, I was ready for ordination day to come.  I like to make lists with achievable goals to cross off,  and reaching ordination was like crossing off the biggest goal after a 3-year long list of other minor goals.  I can hear you saying, "but wait, Ashley!  YOU weren't the one getting ordained!  You can't claim this as your goal if you weren't the one actually doing it!"  Let me explain, friends: getting someone through ordination is very much a team process.  God called TJ to the priesthood, but He called me to walk alongside TJ.  Even for the single person on the path to ordination, there is a whole team of people discerning every step of the way with them and taking on the calling in a way as well.  No one walks the road alone.

We all know I'm a crier, and being well into my pregnancy, I was a CRIER on this day.  The processional, made up of the altar party, TJ, me, his sponsors, various clergy (several of whom became very near and dear to us over the last few years) and the Bishop entered the church singing one of my favorites, "Alleluia Sing to Jesus" with the congregation, and I just couldn't make it through.  The crying continued well into the homily, and this beautiful moment of TJ kneeling before the Bishop as he officially makes TJ a priest.

I think the emotions were high because this was the culmination of a very long, strange, beautiful journey.  Who would've thought that we would end up here?  I thought back to the day we officially made the decision to apply to Nashotah and change the course of both of our lives.  Even then, I couldn't imagine the culmination, perhaps because the whole thing was more amazing than anything I could've imagined.

A lot has been said about the change that happens to a person when they are ordained, and from a spouse's perspective, it's all very true.  I see a fire in TJ that wasn't there before.  I also see a weight that wasn't there before.  This vocation comes with more than its share of burdens, and not being able to share those burdens and ease the weight for my own husband is incredibly hard for me.  I realize I'm still a new clergy wife, and have years of this stuff ahead of me.  However, in this introductory period, two constants have kept me grounded and less fearful of what lies ahead: knowing that God walks this road with me, and knowing that my marriage remains unchanged.  

In the days following ordination, life returned to (a new) normal: TJ said his first full mass, we finished setting up our house, new routines were established.  Everything felt new and weird.  I found myself on the porch at the end of one of those early days, feet up, watching Jason play in the yard.  When TJ arrived home from church, he chased Jason through the yard before making his way to the porch, dressed in his dark pants, black clerical shirt, and the white collar that still felt so strange.  Then in one motion, he lands in the chair next to me, pops off the collar, and greets me with the same familiar greeting he has used on me for years: "Hey there, pretty lady."  

The best things haven't changed.